Que Sera Sera......

I remember when I was child I used ask my family whether they would choose me or the other person I would name if we were to fall from a cliff. I always named someone who would be very dear to them, believe it or not I hardly remember anyone saying my name. Then I would get all teary eyed and run for the bathroom. Now when I look back and reminisce, boy do I laugh my ass off. Seriously what was I thinking? In this so called 21st century, where people would spit on you and walk away if you wouldn't prove yourself worthy of their acceptance and when I say acceptance I mean the 'am I being benefited?' sort of the term.

People say 'the world has turned into a global village', 'the status of the society has increased', 'there is so much competition' bla bla bla. Yeah increased society status, I know quite very well. I doubt if people are really moving towards the future and not back to the stone age. As believed, in the stone age the wives of the barbarians used to control men and made them do crazy stuff like hunting other members of the family, if they fell short of food. Believe me I can say, I am sure as hell that stuff is happening these days too.

It is said, Que Sera Sera, which means "what will be, will be". In my perspective this phrase relates a lot to the Pakistani society. Specifically, in the most important institution of the society ; Family.

The Wind That Keeps Blowing

After spending 10 years, trying to understand the stages of change that most people consider "precious in a child's life", I have channeled the fact that no matter how much effort we put in trying to customize ourselves, bedeck our personality, furnish our existence, or to turn out as an immaculate product, the patterns cannot be changed. To be honest and with all due respect, if studying psychology makes you understand human nature or how we humans actually 'perceive', I think the world would be a better place by now. The truth is all of that is a load of bull. I mean if that is who psychologists are supposed to be than why are there millions of people still trying to figure out why people bail on the ones they love, why parents don't give a shit about their children, why is it that whenever we invest our trust in someone, they go all the way and dump it. The truth cannot be figured out that way, they cannot go ahead and say 'oh darn the differences'. The truth is that we are NOT addle-pates who are studied by and follow the patterns of  an other bunch of dolts. The truth is we are screwed, we are screwed bad, and trust me we are not doing anything but being a bunch of morons paying millions to other morons to sort our problems. Rightly speaking, when it comes to investing we only have money and interest to invest, and not the part of our lives that actually can bring in what we need. We are not investing our time, our faith, our belief and the paramount element of 'our TRUST'. 

Well, humans are unpredictable, WE are unpredictable. Nothing separates us, we talk about religion, culture,  norms, stratification, nations and race? Bullshit. We are all the same, running after comfort and what happens when we find it? Are we grateful? Are we satisfied? For the sake of all that's holy! Don't even get me going there. To boil it down, the fact is that we get these two things, oh boy we do, but do we mind keeping it? Nope! That's our problem, we munch and gnaw at it and then toss it away. I have met people, people who have done exactly what I just almost barfed, and to be honest I never judge. But god forbid, I have seen what their souls go through (not literally), it's like Karma plunges its claws down their throats and then gags them with their own hatred, jealousy, lust and subtle cunningness. 

This is what keeps me locked in my room, under my sheets, trying to figure out why are we so weak and fragile. I had the answer but I just couldn't find a way to put it into words, but I did. You know how in movies, or songs, and books when a couple breaks up, a father abandons his family, a brother bails on his siblings or a mother cheats and runs away with her lover. They always seem to get around the perfect phrase for it 'Trust Issue'. Well that's the scourge, 'trust issue', provided the above symptoms I must say the faciat is what screws us up. It's simple, we trust people, our trusts are broken, people trust us, we dampen that cloth too and principally the knot is tied where we irrevocably believe that no one might ever trust us. That's when we come crashing down from cloud 9.

The Walloping Chasm

We are au-courant of the feeling; the one which crops up while we sing "Ring around the roses" and the part where 'we all fall down' amounts; doesn't our hearts sink? Never do they skip a beat?

I believe, all of us begin a specific journey at some points in our lives. I am definitely not referring to the one that starts off when we are born; that is not a voyage, in fact our birth is just another happening. The odyssey that I am in a trial to formulate is rather a construction, or the fabrication of a map. A delineation that is more of a puzzle; something we generate at the very beginning, but it fills up as soon as we are out on the path. The point is every one initiates the draft, all of us start a journey, don't we all? We do, indeed. Every one of us gains that projection and carries on until we reach the shore. In accordance to the regulations we all get a guide, someone to help us through it. De facto, not all of us! But, don't we all deserve getting a guidance on the basis of  something that is called legitimacy.

I began a journey, a voyage that wasn't very jovial of me to plan. It was more of a phase that jolted every part of my body every time I thought about it. It's not that I haven't been through that journey, it's just that I haven't reached the destination yet. Why so? Because there was this massive black hole, a chasm which swallowed me. I believe it is not the chasm that has gobbled me, instead it's me that has hit its bottom. Reasons? Not specified, verification? A bit perplexed and elucidation; something that more of an apprentice. Things are twisted, incredibly twisted. It is the reality and the absurdity of the practicality that has got things twisted. The roads modifying my journey aren't smooth, they aren't tough either. They are just not right. Every time, when we are about to reach that point where we see acceptance, we are drawn back by a power that has something else in plan and a force that contains something that is conjointly beyond our expectations.

But this walloping hole is something that needs to be promulgated from.

Many a times my heart doth ache;

betwixt pieces and bits and smithereens it may quake.

As if, the pece hath smothered it out of agony;

as if, in the midst of tallt phonies hath it wrought profanity.

Shalt it seek integrity, penalty and legitimacy?

Over many times thy heart stood onuppan thou dearth affection;

nary I say and nary, it gained of what thou clipian thy deliberation.

As if, thou sculan to jargogle my love, with the pudh life thou deliciate;

as if, thou claws hath enough of the sanguinolency to resuscitate!

Yore, the heart wist a fullsome touch of bequeath and forfeit;

now? Hither and thither, doth my heart wander as it profits to deplete.

- Meknante